Sorry I was ignoring you self

...and the three or four other readers that are so kind as to find me amusing...

I have had a pretty busy week procrastinating and such...I really don't know what the fuck is wrong with me lately. I think that I am way burnt on school and have lost all motivation to keep it up. I really don't like my job anymore and can make SO much more money somewhere else doing the same thing! Which really irks me, I am going to start looking for a new job at the end of this semester since there is no way I can do it while in school I just don't have the time.

:(

And yeah so I was bummed, it's off and on

Oh and my week was totally shot! I ran into my Ex and I haven't been able to get him out of my mind all week. He was at my little coffee shop...you see I never thought I'd run into him there, when we were together he always was up so early and I am usually there around 7:45...he always gets coffee at like 7...well he saw me first. He was leaving and saw my car pull up, walked back to my car and said hello and gave me a big ol hug and a kiss on the cheek. I melted, I think I will always have a place in my heart for him but it is such a torn feeling. I don't really know what to do about it.

:(

Makes me melancholy. Not only was the heartache there but oh lovely Spring decided to kick in and f’ with my head...all I could think about the entire day was how bad I wanted to call him up and tell him to meet me at my house...gawd I wanted to sleep with him sooooo bad! He asked me how I was lately and all I could think to say was shitty...he inquired more fishing for if I was seeing anyone but my mind was numb...all I could mutter was shitty. My mind was blank. I wanted to say shitty without you, shitty cause I’ve had a string of bad luck, shitty cause my car is a piece, my phone was stolen, I was drugged, I am sick of my job, sick of school, I miss you in my bed at night, I miss waking up with someone next to me, you wanna have lunch later? Hug me again...can I kiss you?

So this has left me melancholy AND horny all week, bad place to be. BAD! This week has been one serious mind fuck!

Think I am getting bitter ...today...I got road rage...

You remember that episode of Seinfield where Elaine, Jerry, Kramer and George all bet who can go without sex the longest and Elaine gets all dumb while George gets really smart...I feel like Elaine. :( You know what kills me too is that I am doing this to myself! I could easily have sex right now...top of my head at least 6 guys I could call and would be at my house in 5 minutes if I told them I wanted to sleep with them, but that is the problem I don’t want to sleep with them. I am not interested in just sex, I want more. I guess a part of me wants what I had and a part of me says that I won’t find what I am looking for here. There seems to be a lack of decent men; honest, manly men, caring; someone who is done playing games and is ready to settle...not in the house and kids sense but settle with one girl. I want so much that I am afraid I will never find it...sigh...

I don’t know if I am making any sense or just rambling. I think my head is like in 50 different places right now and I need a long massage and a smoothie on the beach to sort it all out. A week away that’s what I need.

I am tired.

I’ll catch you guys later

Blogger Shout outs; (in no specific order) ;)

Sass, thanks for dancing with me

Em, hope you like your car I found you

Thom, kisses love. Feel free to email me

Scum, congrats babe...another girl...hope it's an auto reload you buy! Tell Anna I says Hi

Hubris, I think I am going to start another blog of just my poetry I think I need a place to go when I am sad and a separate place for my happy moments :)

T, you are all hot and stuff in your profile pic, leave it!

Elle, dude jelly about the 8 times

KJ, I already miss you! xoxo

Kathi, thank you for being you.

Sug, still proud of you babe! Keep it up!

That's all I got. Good night!